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Anthology Origins are so difficult to determine. I don't know if the day I met Dante could be
called the beginning. I don't know if the day I first met Jeff or first saw Jeff or first had sex
with Jeff should be where things started. Maybe it was when I left Dante. Maybe it was when I began
to miss Dante. Maybe it was when I called him to tell him how I felt. Beginnings are so hard to
define. Maybe it begins with this moment, with these words. This moment has cohesion. This moment
can be defined. This moment has symbols to keep it in place. * * * It started with a phone call.
"Hi, Dante. It's Alain." * * * When I called you, You said you didn't like My voice, said it
Twisted you inside, Made you remember how I used to call you Every day, leaving poetry On your
machine Because I loved you then- Forever, never leaving Messages anymore. * * * That night, I went
to Jeff's. When I walked in, he was on the couch, stretched out. We watched a movie and didn't
talk. Somehow, after that, discussing our relationship seemed like overkill. Life with Dante was
much more stable. We had so much in common and spent our days obsessed. I once heard that everyone,
straight or gay, should model their relationships after lesbians. I think Dante and I were lesbian.
We acted like lesbians: so into each other that our bond came first and the rest of the world was
forced to wait. Of course, it wasn't practical. Of course, it didn't work. I think there was a rule
I forgot. I broke a rule, and nothing has made me happy ever since. There is no turning back. Jeff
was distant. There was something on his mind he wouldn't say. I knew what it was. He was a porn
star and a prowler of men. He lived without morality, and I loved him for that. He was free, and by
accepting his freedom I denied our relationship that something special that makes things last. * *
* "Do you want to stay over," he asked. I said, "Yeah, if you want me to?" He said, "Of course I
do, but I'm kinda tired. I was on the set for nine hours. Is it okay if we just go to bed now?"
"Sure," I said. "If you're tired ... I understand." * * * He turned off the light, kissed me, said,
"G'night," and rolled onto his side, his back to me. I pressed my chest against his skin, draped my
arm over his side. Resting in the crevice of his bare ass, my dick started hardening. His body was
tense, unresponsive, but still blatantly aware of my presence. I held onto him anyway. I held onto
the part of him I didn't want to let go of. I held onto him because I felt him slipping away, and I
wasn't ready to let that happen yet. I knew I couldn't stop it, but I felt the instinct to resist.
Jeff rolled over suddenly. It was like an answer to a prayer. He started kissing me, pressing down
against me, his cock growing against my thigh. "Why won't you let me sleep?" he growled, lips
inches from my own. "Huh, boy? Why won't you let me sleep?" He buried his tongue in my mouth and
quickly pulled away. His breath was hot on my skin. He whispered into my ear, "Do you need to get
fucked?" "Yes, sir," I whispered back, lips just brushing his shoulder. * * * This, our only
intimacy On a day we never kiss, Touch, pretend until now, When you enter me Like a billy club, a
broom handle, A Spanish pistol with a bullet At the end * * * He fucked me from behind, and I felt
the curve of his cock pulling up on my asshole like a hook, each time he thrust forward to scratch
his crotch across my ass. The cock was hard and eager, the latex making it a foreign thing, the
smooth phallus of some statue on which I'd been impaled. My own cock was buried in the sheets, my
only important part being the soft, warm hole wrapped around his flesh. When he came, he buried
himself, the cum filling the empty space inside the latex, the latex filling an empty space inside
me. He lifted me, let me fist my cock. I knelt on his bed, his finger entering my insides, his
teeth striking nerves along my neck. As his single, strong finger fucked me in his place, I felt
his other knuckles brush against the soles of my bare feet. It made me think of Dante--the way he
would kiss me in places that weren't exceptional, except that he thought enough to kiss me there.
The finger found my prostate, the cum shot from my cock, and I leaned back to let the warm fluid
pour onto my own heated skin. I cried out and collapsed, falling against his chest. He kissed my
neck. I strained to let my lips touch his. "Jeff," I breathed, "that was amazing." "Yeah," he said.
"Now let's get to bed." * * * I called Dante the next day. "Hi--it's Alain. Can we talk?" "You know
it hurts me to hear your voice." "O might I kiss those eyes of fire / A million scarce could quench
..." "You're a fucking sadist." "I was just kidding." "Look, what do you want?" "I miss you." "Oh,
now you miss me! You're such a fucking asshole." "I know. I want to see you again." "Not everything
in life is about what you want. Other people have needs too. It isn't just about you!" "I know."
"Then why are you calling me?" "I just thought that maybe we could go out sometime. Maybe just meet
at a club or something?" "I don't know. Maybe. Sometime." "I really do miss you." "Whatever. Miss
you too, I guess." * * * At the El Rey, the men moved like an ocean. From the upper level, I looked
down at the dance floor. Bare skin undulated like water, the multicolored lights making ripples out
of violent arms. I glanced around. Dante was there in just a pair of jeans and his favorite
Airwalks. He was leaning against the rail and staring up at the three massive crystal chandeliers
floating above the crowd. The light from them was faint, just enough to give the thousand tears a
warm, unobtrusive glow. I walked toward him, pulling off my own tank. "Hi," I said. "Hi, Alain," he
said, brushing dark bangs from his defensive eyes. I could see cruel words in there, but he didn't
say them, and I was grateful. Instead, he said, "It's fucking hot up here." "Yeah, and humid. It's
all the sweat." We looked at each other. He smiled. We smiled. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to
press myself against his body and kiss him, hold him, kiss him, drop to my knees, and kiss his
crotch. I shifted my weight toward him one inch, and he looked back to the dance floor. * * * There
was a time when I could have done whatever I wanted with Dante, like lead him deep into the center
of the club, letting three thousand men wash over us. I could have tasted his mouth, smelled his
skin, felt his dick straining in his jeans, against my thigh, my ass, my groping hand. I could have
taken him home and drained the salty flavors from his cock. I could have surrendered to the soft
warmth of his tongue and the quickening pulse of orgasm. I could have felt him inside me, thrusting
against the glands that made my sex drive. I could have felt myself deep inside of him, inside his
ass, buried deep enough to make me see the phantom of his soul inside his eyes. * * * I could say I
love you, Could say I have to have you Back, that I'd do Anything, that I was wrong, That I never
should have said I didn't need you when All I need is you and want Is you and could beg for Like a
dog and still never get is you. * * * "Hey, Alain!" Dante and I turned around. Jeff came toward us,
in black jeans with his shirt off, his pecs bouncing as he walked, his short blond hair looking
darker in the club's throbbing light. He stopped in front of us, a little taller than us, a little
more massive. "Hey, Jeff," I said, completely trapped. I didn't know if I should keep talking or
give him a kiss. I didn't know if I should look innocent or confused--confused for Dante, innocent
for Jeff. "I think I'm gonna get a drink," I said. "Do you guys want anything?" Distance was my
only option. "Water," Jeff and Dante said simultaneously. * * * Forever passed before the bartender
shot a look in my direction. When she said, "What can I get for you, cutie," she sounded as if she
were taking care of me because I was something special. I ordered three waters (one for myself as
well, because I didn't want to stand out). When I headed back to my two guys, I saw them leaning on
their railing. Their wide, muscular backs glowed with sweat. "Here you go." They were laughing,
smiling--at each other. Jeff put something small in Dante's mouth. Jeff looked at me. "Here--open
up." "What is it?" He held broken pieces of a pill in his offered palm. "Just take it," said Dante,
and I did. "But what is it?" I asked after washing the jagged pieces down. "Cyanide," Dante said,
and laughed. My expression stayed blank. "Don't be stupid--you know what it is." * * * Jeff and
Dante were getting along. I didn't expect that. I thought Jeff would be out someplace else. He
typically said he had "other plans" on Saturdays. They were getting along and laughing and talking
about where they both grew up; and as time passed, I started feeling warm inside and content and
somewhat detached in an extremely ethereal way, and Jeff looked back at me, reaching out to touch
my neck, and pulled me to him until his tongue was pushed inside my mouth. I felt panicked, but I
couldn't react--this was taking place in front of Dante. But then, Dante kissed me too, and I felt
my skin tingle every place he touched, and the sensation spread out in waves and flowed slowly to
my limbs. And then Dante pulled away, and he kissed Jeff, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
They kissed, and I watched, completely amazed.
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They were both so beautiful, and together they were
beautiful, and I couldn't help myself--I wasn't jealous. * * * In the cab, heading back to
someplace--Dante's place I think--Dante put his arm around my shoulder and looked into my eyes.
"Jeff and I were talking earlier," he said, "so I was wondering, which do you like better, novels
or anthologies?" I looked at him, confused. "Anthologies, I guess." "Why?" "Because there're more
people in them. There're more voices. It's more complex." "That's kind of simple coming from you."
I laughed with him. "Exposition isn't easy right now, but yeah--I like anthologies better." Dante
glanced over at Jeff, then kissed me, his lips expressing something romantic in their soft touch.
He smiled. "That's exactly what I thought you'd say." * * * Three from three Thousand, we move like
we Are not of This world but some Other place in which our skin Cannot contain the meaning Of who
we are, the three Of us constructing Energy from flesh with each Connection, as always me Attaching
placement to An unfamiliar life Because you're here. * * * Walking back into Dante's place felt
strange. But Jeff was there, kissing me, and Dante was there, in the kitchen, making drinks. When
he came back, he led us to his bedroom and put a porn tape into his VCR. It was odd, out of place,
the images, the latexed dicks piercing clean-shaven holes. Dante kissed me, and Jeff kissed me, and
Jeff opened his fly and told me to go down on his cock. I did. I lowered myself and took his cock
into my mouth and let him push it down my throat, while Dante filled Jeff's mouth with a wet tongue
that used to be mine alone. Then Dante joined me--on his knees--and let Jeff's cock push past his
jaw and fill his throat, and I watched and took the cock back and gave it away. Dante and I licked
each side of it and worked together, one of us licking Jeff's nuts, the other swirling his tongue
around the head. * * * How should I feel Toward this moment: I would Suffer a world on my back Just
to have your spit Inside my mouth. * * * With our clothes removed, we looked tossed about the bed
as Dante probed his tongue inside my ass and Jeff made my dick leak juice within his mouth. And
then it was Jeff sucking Dante's cock, while I kissed Dante and thought about the past. Soon, Jeff
opened up his ass to my tongue and I tasted him, thinking how beautiful my new lover was and that
if what I had right now was not Love, as least he was a god. Dante gave me his cock and his ass
too. I sucked in his essence, and someone orgasmed on the tv screen. It distracted me. The actor
came a lot. "Damn!" I said. "Yeah," Jeff said, "he does that every time." "You've worked with him?"
Dante asked. "Yeah. He's a nice guy," Jeff said as he stroked his cock casually, watching his
friend spread cum across his chest. Dante asked, "Does doing it--porn, I mean--make fucking kind of
boring?" Jeff said, "Alain told me that you write. Does that make books or movies boring?"
"Sometimes. Not always." "I feel the same way about sex." Dante laughed. He liked cleverness as
much as I did. He moved over to Jeff and started sucking his cock. I watched, playing with myself.
Soon, we were back into our sexual groove. I was swallowing all of Jeff's cock, and Dante was
shoving a lube-covered finger into my starving ass. * * * Eventually, Jeff got Dante down on his
stomach, put a condom on, and pushed his cock into Dante's ass. I got behind Jeff, covered my cock
in protection, and entered his ass. We were fucking each other: Jeff inside Dante, me inside Jeff.
Dante was grunting under Jeff's weight. Jeff was the biggest and most muscular among us and, in the
middle, he set a wild pace, forcing Dante to take his angry prick and forcing me to keep up as best
I could. * * * men in the porn were talking nasty, and we were talking nasty too. There were a lot
of voices. They merged and overlapped as we fucked and the guys on the screen fucked. It became
what porn directors call pure sound. * * * Oh Yeah Fuck My Ass Take That Cock Oh My Fuck boy God I
Like That Take That Do You Like That Cock That Cock Up My Ass Sir pig Sir Aw Fuck I Can't Take Sir
It Sir Take That Cock boy Anymore Sir Oh Fuck man You're Fucking The Shit Out Of Me Fuck Me man
Fuck Me Oh You're A Fucking Daddy God Oh Daddy Smack My You're Gonna Get It boy Ass You're Just My
boy Sir hole boy Just My hole Sir Aw Fuck What Are You Yes Sir Fuck You boy Take That Cock Slut
Your hole Sir I'm Just Your Fucking hole * * * They talked me into the most degrading things. I
straddled Dante's hips and sat down on his cock, the latex-covered head piercing my ass, sending me
to heaven. I sat down all the way and moved up and down a bit to loosen up. His cock felt good
inside my ass--felt like it belonged there--and the bottomless look in Dante's dark eyes made his
cock seem like an umbilical cord connecting our souls. * * * I normally don't write about souls.
They're too ethereal, and what I was feeling was more concrete. * * * Jeff pushed down on my back
until my chest rested on Dante's, our stomachs touching and pulling away with every breath,
touching and pulling away. Dante held me and humped his cock up into me at an angle which stretched
me open. That was when Jeff positioned his cock and slowly forced it into whatever free space he
could find in my ass. It hurt as he filled me with a second cock. It felt like my ass was being
torn in two, but I endured and held on to Dante, deriving strength from the calming kisses he
placed on my neck. Soon, Jeff had his cock all the way in, and both cocks were forced into me each
time he thrust forward. I held on to Dante, letting the two cocks take over my ass. * * * "Oh,
fuck, Alain," Jeff breathed, "you got a hot fucking ass." Dante grunted, "Fuck his ass, man. I like
feeling our cocks rubbing together inside him. Oh, yeah, take those cocks, boy." * * * Encased in
your Arms, I can endure For you and let the morphous Walls of my body give in To you as you Invade
me, Reshape me, make me Into the Kubla Khan of your Libido, my insides Contorting, flexing,
Metamorphosing to suit Your needs, your needs Being the fruit From which I feed. * * * Jeff was
pounding his cock as best he could into my overcrowded ass, and Dante was being driven to the edge
by the sensation of Jeff rubbing up and down on his cock. "Oh, fuck!" Jeff shouted. "Fuck!" Dante
echoed. It was as if the friction getting them off had nothing to do with me. I was just the space
in which they played. Sliding along each other's lengths, they both ejaculated thick blasts into
their condoms at nearly the same time. "Fuck! Fuck!" they yelled in unison, bucking wildly into me,
each working to thrust all the gushing warmth out of his cock. My cock slid along Dante's abs, and
the waves of force caused my dick to explode. Hot puddles collected between our stomachs and flowed
down Dante's chest, dripped slowly down his sides. * * * "That was so fucking hot, Alain," Dante
said. "Fuck, I love you." I didn't know what to say. * * * We slept together, tangled, knotted.
Through the night, I'd wake up, my sore ass insisting that I turn on my side or my stomach. I'd try
to move. I'd lose track of which limbs were mine. I couldn't decide which legs or arms to rearrange
to appease my wounds. * * * In the morning, I escaped to take a shower. I'd slept as comfortably as
I could, losing myself in the bodies of my lovers. Now was my time to define myself alone, to
separate and rejoin the pieces of my shattered understanding of myself. I stood under the water,
running fingers through my wet hair, letting the streams pour down the bruised muscles of my back
and the deep canyon of my ass to wash against my irritated hole. Dante came into the bathroom,
stepped into the shower. He put his arms around me, kissed me, his toes touching my feet, his soft
dick pressed against my nuts. As if he knew what I was doing, he reached around and stroked the
cheeks of my ass, holding the cheeks open a bit to let more soothing water flow across my hole.
"Are you okay?" he asked. "Yeah. I'm fine." * * * I've thought so Many times of calling you To
leave some Trinidad Or Dove on your machine, To leave something I've discovered in a magazine By
accident That says, "I'm sorry, I miss you, I've never Stopped stumbling across poems For you, for
me, for what We had a chance to be." * * * "Got kinda out of control, huh?" "It's okay. I liked it.
It just hurts now. That's all." "Yeah, um--I have to be honest. Just so you know, I set all this
up." "Huh?" "I saw Jeff at the gym yesterday, and we got to talking. I told him to meet us at the
El Rey, and he did." "Really," I said calmly, too used and worn to get upset. "Why did you do
that?" "I missed you, but knew I could never measure up. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?
Anyway, I'm sorry. I just want you back. I'd share you with Jeff just to have you back." I stood
there staring at Dante. His vulnerable eyes begged me. This moment seemed impenetrable, even when
our third lover interrupted, shouting from the hall, "Hey, guys--you want pancakes or waffles for
breakfast?" "Pancakes! Thanks!" I yelled back, and paused. Dante held me, kissed me, held some
abstract part of me in his eyes. They were deep and dark, his face so boyish and innocent. I
couldn't help myself--I tightened my grip on his body.
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