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Watching him sleep was such a wonderful thing. In rest there were no frowns, no worries, just peace. He is beautiful when he sleeps. His dark hair falls across his forehead and I gently brush it off. The long lashes on lids closed over those incredible hazel eyes. He takes my breath away sometimes without ever knowing that he's doing it and never understanding why. He was good that night. He was everything that my heart desired. Loving, tender, passionate, attentive. Yet, there was a part of me that he didn't reach and that part of me yearned to be caressed. I thought of you as J and I made love. I wondered what it would feel like to have your body pressed against mine as his had been. I wondered what it would be like to have your lips touch that place that yearned. I wanted you. More than that, I desired you. I wanted to feel the curve of your breasts and taste the sweetness of your skin. And yes, I wanted you in my head as well as in my bed. Try as he may, J will never be able to touch that part of my being just because.

When I saw you alone for those last precious minutes, and was finally able to touch the body of the woman I loved, I felt that this is what I've missed for so very long. This was right. This was the way it's supposed to be. I felt the warmth and the love. The connection was there for me. All of these feelings enveloped me as I watched him sleeping peacefully that night as my body yearned. I thought about holding you in my arms and nuzzling your breasts as I caressed my own. In the darkness of the room, with the only light that of the reflection from the pool outside, I closed my eyes and pretended that the fingers encircling my nipples were yours. That the hot breath on my neck from him was you blowing softly on that special spot just behind my ear. As my nipples came to attention I imagined your tongue flicking over them fast and furiously causing me to moan in delectable pleasure. Yes, I wanted you. I wanted you with me in that bed. I wanted you to touch me and to be able to touch you in every conceivable way. The more I wanted you, the more that special place cried out. It was your touch that it wanted. I'd grown large and hot. From experience I knew that I was a deep pink--almost purple. I wanted to explode, but I wanted the feeling to last for that was the only way that I could have you with me.

Very slowly I moved one hand down my stomach barely touching the skin. The other continued to play with my nipples. Pinching, twisting, kneading them with my fingers. My body was on fire and I hate to think of the noises that probably awakened the guests in the next room.

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I thought about what you'd do to me if you were there. I decided that you'd tease me mercilessly by making small circles with your finger just above my pubic bone. My hips thrust against J's thigh involuntarily while he slept on oblivious to my movements. The moans and whimpers escaping my lips because I was powerless to control the fuck lust. I bit my lower lip so hard that I tasted teeny tiny droplets of blood. I wanted you and only you at that moment. My hands moved to gently caress my inner thighs slick with the juices that J left behind. I closed my eyes more tightly and breathed more deeply. All the while my hips occasionally thrusting against his thigh. I wanted to cum so badly. My head a swirl of sexual energy. My hands moved inward toward my clit-- that special place that held the key to my release. So hot, so wet, so engorged. I whimpered and fought hard to stay in control. I was determined to hold on as long as I could so that I could feel you with me. I slowly ran a finger along my slit feeling the lips swollen to almost twice their normal aroused size. My body screamed at me for release. I inserted a finger into my hole, pretending that it was yours. I used the thumb of the same hand to circle around the shaft just below the head. I knew that if I touched the head the moment would be over, never to be recaptured in the same way again. I wanted that moment to last as long as it possibly could. The finger pushed in a little deeper and I began to work it in and out slowly, slowly. I inserted another finger and felt the muscles tighten around them as the furnace was stoked. My juices flowed like a river intermixed with the remnants of J's. Finally, I could take no more and my body thrust against him involuntarily as I fucked myself with my hand. I brushed the thumb against the head of my clit a couple of times and wailed your name as I came and came and came. I quivered as the muscles contracted. The room spun and I lost all sense of time and place. The fuck lust had taken control and I didn't hold back. I don't know how long I orgasmed, but it felt like forever. In a word, it was "delicious." I took my fingers out of my body and held them under my nose. Ah yes, the pungent smell of release. It was inviting so I had to taste. First one finger, and then the other, found its way into my mouth where I licked and sucked them clean.

I looked over at J softly snoring the night away. Never moving. Never knowing that he'd aided in bringing me closer to you. As much as I adore him neither he, nor any other man, will ever be able to touch that part of me. You and J are my two loves. Each of you holding a portion of me inside of you. Each of you giving a portion of yourselves to me. One day woman-love. One day...

Sartre