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Whipped
Pussywhipped:(Poos'e hwipped) adj.(1) In a state of male submission
caused by sexual addictions to one female, the end result of "the best sex
he's ever had."(2) In a highly sensitized condition whereby a man temporarily
surrenders power to a woman; the consequence of being hypnotized by hot
poontang.
Before I begin, let me say one thing: only a man would come up with
such a retarded, sexist word to describe a relationship that so many people
enjoy. Most likely it was coined by a bunch of horny guys drinking beer and
watching football whil e making fun of their one pal who was busy talking out
his girlfriend's garbage. They were probably jealous of his diminished interest
in traditional male pursuits.
Since the beginning of time, males have dominated females, and this
most unnatural he-man inclination still persists. Except when a man is in the
whipped state. This is one of the few times when men aren't bossing us around,
controlling every thing, and creating situations like the S disaster or
nuclear arms. We like this position; it's a nice change, especially when we
need our toilets cleaned. We appreciate this eager attitude and enjoy a man who
puts out a little effort to please us.
Pussywhipping has existed since Eve forced Adam t bite into the apple
(of course, Eve got saddled with sin for her action), and many great men owe
their achievements to the PW state. Cleopatra roped Marc Antony, and then he
conquered. And few people know it, but it was Martha Washington who drove
George to sail the Delaware in that ridiculous white wig. It trickled into the
middle classes during the sexually repressed '50s. Horny housewives of that
generation had little political or fina ncial clout, so they had two options.
They could either put out for that new mink or withhold sex as a means of
persuasion.
By the late '60s, sexual liberation created one big orgy. But it wasn't
until the mid-'70s, when the sensitive man first made his appearance, that
women began exploring their relationship to power. The laws of chivalry and
mal-dominated socie ty came under scrutiny, and it soon became clear that they
were nothing more than some lame excuse for men to have all the fun.
The laws of pussywhipping are based on tasks he would never ordinarily
do, like changing a light bulb. Suddenly, he's a handyman. His girlfriend
finds it endearing; his friends think it's pathetic. He's an intoxicated
sexaholic, one step away from pussywhipped Anonymous. Think of George Bush. On
second thought, don't.
Becoming pussywhipped is a gradual process. Behavior changes; so does
conversation. Pre-PW, a man used to brag to his pals about former conquests and
rate women solely on their endowments. But post-PW, things are different. When
she enters t he room it's as if Lady Di had just walked in.
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Suddenly, he is Mr.
Polite, and traditional male group behavior like swearing, burping, and farting
comes to a halt.
The initial state of PW could be described as the "hot pants" phrase.
He regresses to an animal-like state and realizes that he can't get enough of
that funky stuff. Like Pavlov's dog, he needs intermittent reinforcement and
will do almost an ything to get what he wants. All we have to say is "heel boy,
" let him suck our breast, then make him sweep the floor.
Stage Two might be termed "going ape-shit." He calls three times a day,
shows up at out door bearing flowers and a raging boner, babbling like Gomer
Pyle. He buys a beeper to be at our beck and call. Around now, we begin to
implement more dif ficult tasks, such as having him move heavy objects or paint
the ceiling in out apartment.
The final stage is "totally pussywhipped," or TPW. This is most pitiful
to other men. Testosterone levels begin to plummet; he start doing laundry
willingly and is occasionally seen sporting a "Fuck Housework" apron. At this
point, even we st art to think it's getting out of control, especially when he
volunteers to do out hair.
Some studs will never be PW. They want sex with as many women as
possible before they turn eighty and are forced to depend on a penile pump. To
them , having sex is like having a good workout at the gym: it's a part of
their daily routing. Th is is why having men under our spell is a refreshing
change. Men who cannot be whipped are not usually as enthusiastic about such
things as cunnilingus. The PW man, on the other hand, cheerfully acknowledges a
woman's pleasure. Finally we get to push someone's head down.
The PW candidate is not, however, a whimp. He's just as likely to have
gigantic muscles, tattoos. and drive a Harley as he is to have a concave chest
and aquarium glasses. What separates him from the Cro-Mag who can't be PW is
that he actual ly enjoys women's company. He's got spine, but he's not the type
who can't wait to leave after "the big O." Of course, this also has its
disadvantages for women. Sometimes he becomes glued to out couch and we have to
send him grocery shopping just to have a little space.
To the man who thinks it's emasculating to become pussywhipped relax.
You'll dig it even though you would never admit it to your buddies, who are
home alone with their hands. The pussywhiupped man is the man of the '90s. We
appreciate his aff ection. It encourages us to rush out and buy sexy lingerie
and learn those gyrational techniques from the video "How to Strip for Your
Man." We think it's fun to see you panting with manly expectation.Your Story Vote : 1 from 10 2 from 10 3 from 10 4 from 10 5 from 10 6
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